Self-esteem Information > Understanding a Low Self Esteem


We absorb a lot of insightful words from many different sources telling  sufferers of low self-esteem how to overcome their negative thoughts through positive thoughts. This is all very well and good, except we seem to be overlooking how to help the people whom are involved with the sufferers. How do they understand what really is behind the feelings of low self-esteem and just how much it does trap a persons mind in a state of paralysis and fear of loneliness, even abandonment in some cases.
I have written this article in hopes to increase awareness and to inform the partners and family members that are involved with a person who is suffering from low self-esteem.
I have had many requests for this type of information which is a good thing. It shows that there is more support and genuine people out there working to help others find a happy place. It also tells me that all of the information available today is not being read by closed minds nor is it going unwarranted.

I am going to refer to the sufferer of low self-esteem as the receiver and the involved party, as the giver.
The giver will be able to recognize many of the following symptoms and actions as will the receiver.

Low self -esteem :
-feeds on ones sensitivity level
-makes you feel inferior to almost every other person
-will force you into a feeling of smallness and loneliness
-will magnify even the slightest body imperfection when you look in the mirror
-blocks any strength that may try to invade its negativity
-deters you from accepting new challenges or ideas
-will make you feel undeserving of any positive relationships
-makes you doubt any attempts made by others to free your mind
-will put you outside of life, watching it go by without you
-continues to keep your thoughts in a stuck position
-makes you avoid all social events or gatherings of any kind
-makes worry your best friend
-will lock your sight behind negative eyes
-avoids any understanding of how to feel good about you
-will have you already defeated in your mind even before you attempt one step forward
-makes you paranoid of every ones intentions
-will make you mold in order to fit others expectations

For the most part, those of you that suffer from low self-esteem, low self-worth or insecure feelings know that it makes you feel very small and almost invisible most of the time. These uncontrollable fears will bring you to your knees when they are in control of your mind.

Low self-esteem can make a person shrink in seconds. One minute you will be feeling on top of the world and it will only take one wrong look, gesture or compliment by another to crash that feeling of security.
Even when this look, gesture, or compliment is not given in a negative context, but is actually being given in the up-most positive intention, the receiver will not be able to hear it that way. Immediately the negative filters will take over and distort each syllable.
At this point the giver's frustration will grow immensely with the receiver, due to their non-ability to understand that the receiver's interpretation is all confused.
For example, the giver may feel that a compliment is necessary and it should do the trick. After all if it were reverse, the giver would surely appreciate it. Unfortunately, the giver is forming a conclusion through his/her own eyes and thought process. This is where so much confusion is seeded on both parts.
The person suffering from low self-esteem cannot interpret the givers thoughts as the giver does.

In many cases, the giver will bend over backward trying to sway the receiver out of his/her mood by again thinking in terms of how he/she would react.
The giver must stop thinking in those terms.
The giver SHOULD begin to ALLOW the receiver to share his/her fears with them freely.
Once the receiver feels that they can release certain fears without judgment, or being made to feel even weaker, then and only then will they be able to work inward on his/her issues.To be able to unleash the negative thoughts is a very important step toward freedom of low self-esteem.
The giver cannot fix these fears, nor can these fears be threatened away by demanding comments.
The giver can in fact help through kindness and patience.
Positive actions and positive environments are a must when trying to help one overcome feelings of insecurities and uncertainties.
Show concern and love in all aspects of the receivers life, hence making them feel important.
Feeling like one belongs and is cared for is also a very good strategy in helping one overcome the loneliness of low self-esteem.
Magnifying ones humor, ones ability to enjoy the small things in life will also help to strengthen ones low self-esteem.
Try to keep the mood light and optimistic as much as possible.
Promote acceptance in everything that the receiver does when it is positive.
Positive feelings spread fast but so do negative feelings.
Most receivers will wait for the first opening of a negative space because it is a familiar feeling which is another downside of feeling of low self-esteem.
The giver should also recognize the receiver's potentials and overemphasize their potential for success. Also the giver must steer the receiver into following their hopes and dreams, whatever they may be. Taking time together and exercising visualization of those dreams and goals is a very effective.
I know it sounds like I am telling the giver to spend a lot of time putting the receiver on their priority list, well I am in fact saying just that. I have run into a very insightful saying many times in my research and it is this:, "anything worth having, does not come easy"
If you truly want to help someone, it will take time and much effort in order to do that.
It is time and effort that does not go unrewarded though.
A person that suffers from low self-esteem is really crying out for help through many of the symptoms that you have read above.
Low self -esteem can also make a person act overbearing and seem like an attention seeker, when they are really just trying to gain strength. They just are going about it in all the wrong ways.
Beware of the type of person that will use their issues for their own personal gain. There are those that have been known as copy-cats. Which means they will feed off of others through a false, "poor me" attitude.

Positive actions create positive reactions. Use that thought as your guide in understanding how to help others overcome their inner battles.


**********************
"What lies behind us, and what lies before
us are small matters compared
to what lies within us."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

~D~

 

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