When I refer to low self-esteem...I am not talking about just another whimsical moment when one feels a little bit out of sorts or a typical bad hair day...I am referring to a persons mind feeling like it is caught up in such a whirlwind of self doubt that no matter how many times they try to grab hold of something to stop this rollercoaster of self-doubt...they instantly lose their grip. They cannot comprehend the importance of loving thyself first or unconditional self-love.
Guys, I am sure some, maybe even many of you can relate to the fact that it is very frustrating to try and deal with a woman that feels less than, like she is a nobody or that she will never be enough for you. Her main focus is totally on your love and acceptance other than her own!
No matter what you say or do to encourage her, you feel like your words have fallen upon deaf ears. You try very hard to show that you are very interested soley in her and that she is exactly who you desire and still, she somehow manages to interpret it the wrong way. You end up dealing with serious jealousy issues over things that only she can see and you yourself end up beginning to feel like you have failed her in some way.
Well, if you think it is frustrating for you, imagine what she is dealing with every second she breathes. Having low self-esteem is a very serious issue...........................
She wakes up with it, she goes throughout her entire day with it, she even goes to sleep at night with it.
It does not take a break or wait to be invited in.
If she cannot identify with it, she will become very skeptical, non-trusting, defensive and aggressive towards everyone who tries to help.
It tears at and feeds on her every attempt to feel good about who she is and her own ability to accept herself. It meets her at every corner and changes it direction to confuse her even more. It truly is a mind game of the worst kind.
When a woman suffers from a low self-esteem, it is similar to an addiction which can only be satisfied with a continuous flow of reassurance that she is acceptable and worthy to you. She will do anything she can to feel this acceptance from you, even if it goes against her morals and standards. It is demeaning her subconsciously while you are both engaged in sexual enjoyment to a point that she will eventually turn away from it.
That and her desperate need of acceptance will eventually begin to drain you as her partner and you will begin to find any reason to not be around her...hence the relationship begins to fail.
This entrapped feeling does not only affect the relationships at home, it also follows her into her work place, where she is being suffocated and preoccupied with this desperate need to hide from everyone.
Think about the importance of having a high self-esteem in ones work place. Ones self-esteem needs to be high so that their confidence can guide them through actions such as: making important decisions, dealings with opposite sex bosses, good old office politics, other staff trying to gain on your efforts, dealing with clients or customers, dealing with criticism regarding your work, and even just making friends.
How does a person get imprisoned by a low self-esteem?
Initially it has been proven that the seed is sown at some point in ones life. As a child...It can be from verbal or physical abuse, witnessing a parent or a sibling being tormented, bullied and or humiliated continuously. As an adult...Being rejected or emotionally abused by a partner. All of these experiences are traumatic and will damage if not totally crush ones ability to to have unconditional self-love which in turn imprisons them in a pit of low self-esteem.
What can you do to help your partner?
It is without a doubt your partners responsibility to identify with the negative issues that have caused her loss of self-love.
This does not mean that you cannot support her and understand yourself that it is not an attack against you personally.
You can be patient and understanding when she is stuck in this horrible place and her only way of out might be through you.
Talking softly and non-accusing is the only way to help a person find their way out of the darkness.
You can help her rebuild her self-esteem by bringing out her values and goodness that she is having trouble seeing.
It is also very important not to belittle or underestimate the seriousness of low self-esteem.
A person imprisoned in this is not there voluntarily and more than not are unaware of it until it finally comes to the forefront and they can begin to identify with it.
Do not over emphasize her abilities or over compliment as they will not be as effective. Choose your timing well.
What can she do to help herself?
It is vital that she becomes able to identify with the negative thoughts that are in control of her mind.
These thoughts are what keep her down and they will gain more strength each time she allows them to take over.
She must commit to taking control of her thoughts in order to actually be successful at changing them.
She must learn to question her thoughts: eg..will this change my life or hurt me in any way?
She can see a professional ....they can be of some help in guiding her in bringing forth a lot of hidden trauma which will in turn help her to identify with a lot of the negative thoughts that have her trapped.
She can get involved in any type of self-satisfying project...starting small and eventually challenging herself with bigger ones as her self-esteem begins to strengthen.
She must also know that this is not a quick fix issue. It will take time and consistent effort in taking control of each and every thought she has until her mind subconscious chooses the positive ones.
In a relationship, when one partner is suffering, both partners are indeed suffering. What one person brings to a relationship affects the other partner. Understand without any room to argue...it is vital that you take care of who you are before you decide to commit to sharing a life with another person. If you are in a relationship and your partner suffers seriously from any type of issue...being their partner does demand a certain amount of loyalty and even sacrifice to stand by them and support them in any way. Remember they are who you chose to share your life with through better or worse!
“To establish true self-esteem..
we must concentrate on our successes and forget
about the failures and the negatives in our lives.”
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