I SURVIVED.. 

To begin, my family never approved of my marriage to him, but I did not care, I was finally out of their house and into the real world, I was so excited and had so many hopes and dreams on planning my future with my new husband. But those eventually faded away.

The first few months after we married, life was great. But it all changed when he began partying and drinking heavily. One particular day I found out he was cheating on me with another woman. I was so upset and mad at him and couldn't understand why he was doing this to me. I confronted him when he got home after yet another night of drinking, and that is when everything changed, it was the first time he hit me. I was so stunned but I wouldn't take that and I was ready to leave. I started packing my stuff and he was there apologizing saying how bad he felt and that he didn't know what came over him and promised me he would never do it again and would stop seeing the other woman. For reasons I don't know I believed him and gave him another chance. But as I hoped he would keep his promise, he did not.

After that night things changed and his behavior began to escalate and the drinking became nearly everyday. He made it very clear to me that I could not leave him, I was his wife and thats how it was and as his wife certain expectations for expected of me to follow. He made me believe that if I ever left him I would not be able to survive. He also told me that if I did try he would find me and kill me. I believed every word he said and I stayed. For the next four years I lived my life in fear of my husband. He controlled me, humiliated and manipulated me. He took everything from me, I had no money, no friends, no family. Nothing. Everything was his. As for me, I was his. He abused me in too many ways to say that still gives me nightmares today. During my last year with him, we had a baby girl together. As much as I love her, I hated myself for bringing her into such an unstable environment.

After our daughter was born, things got worse. He was always good with her, but would use her to get to me and punish me. He continued drinking heavily, the abuse continued toward me, and he would beat me almost on a daily basis, he would find reasons to and tell me something I did wrong to deserve it.He would limit my time spent with our daughter or take her awake from me completely just to punish me and would keep her away until I proved to him that I earned the privilege of seeing her. On many occasions he would spend his paychecks on alcohol leaving us with no money for food. So I would have to go without food for days just so my daughter could eat. If I were to ask him for money for food it would start another fight, somehow I didn't do enough work around the house to deserve to get any money for groceries. It was always something.

There was on night, he came home and the house wasn't neat and tidy to his expectations and I was to blame obviously. It didn't matter that I was so sick that I was barely able to get out of bed. That night was the night that I knew I had to leave. After he finished beating me, he left to go to another bar. Right than I packed up some of mine and my daughters stuff and left. I days just so my daughter could eat. If I were to ask him for money for food it would start another fight, somehow I didn't do enough work around the house to deserve to get any money for groceries. It was always something.

There was one night, he came home and the house wasn't neat and tidy to his expectations and I was to blame obviously. It didn't matter that I was so sick that I was barely able to get out of bed. That night was the night that I knew I had to leave. After he finished beating me, he left to go to another bar. Right then I packed up some of mine and my daughters stuff and left. I was so scared as I had no where to go, I lost everything I had before, I had only a little bit of money I had hidden away in case of emergency, but I got out.

From there I found a job and an apartment and I was making a life for just me and my daughter. But as soon as I got settled in my husband found us. We had to move again, from there I moved to 4 different places to stay away from my husband, but I continued to make it by myself without him supporting me. The 5th time we moved, I moved back home to my family, and have been here ever since. My husband knows where we are and there has been a couple of times where he's broken in and have gotten rough with me, but I will continue to fight him and move forward without him. Currently we're in the process of a divorce and custody battle, even though it's taking a long time, I know that I'm finally free from him.

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**Samantha**

hopefaithfreedom@live.ca

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