The Day I Loved and Lost- It was the Friday the 13th of April I had just started a new job yet again as a registry clerk I had only been unemployed for about two weeks and had now been in my new job for two months I hated it I had a boss who always tried to make my life miserable and a couple of acquaintances who also made me miserable they always spread rumours about me that were not true luckily I had a fabulous fiancée called Oliver townshend he was the love of my life although half the time I did not treat him like it or show any appreciation whatsoever.
We had just came back from Spain a month earlier and happily engaged but not in love we had been having problems for 4 months now and even though we tried to fix things it did not seem to get any better. One minute we would be talking about what we had been up to during the day and then it would turn into a full blown argument this wasn't just happening a couple of times a week it happened every day.
Until Friday the 13th Oliver had came to pick me up for lunch that day we walked to his car and the whole time we were walking there he seemed a bit distant from me I tried to hold his had and put my arm around him but he just pushed me away until I asked him what the problem was he just said ill tell you tonight, we got in the car and I asked again what the problem was he then said I don't want to be with you anymore so I asked why and he said I don't know if I love you.
I said of course you do I love you and you love me besides what has happened to you to make you want to break up with me after all you made love to me last night and this morning you were all over me why the sudden change of mind? He replied I don't know I just don't feel the same feelings I had for you a few months ago.
Anyway we talked it through and then I asked him do you still want to leave me or do you love me enough to stay? He said I love you I just don't know what came over me back there, then I asked are we still on fort tonight you know me staying at yours? Yes he said of course I love you.
He then took me back to work and then at 5pm picked me up yet again he seemed distant so I asked him again what's the matter this time there was no answer, then I said shall we go for a drink and talk about what is on your mind? Yes he replied I think that would be a great idea, so we drove to the PMC bar being the fact that the weather was not exactly perfect conditions. When we got there he asked me what I wanted to drink I asked for a red wine he decided to buy himself a glass of apple juice. We sat down and before long he spoke the words I had dreaded to here which were I am so sorry but I can't be with you anymore, I asked is it that you have found someone else? No I am afraid not I just don't love you anymore, I have to go now would you like a lift home before we go our separate ways? No thanks, look could we meet up once you have had a chance to clear your head so that we can discuss all of this so that in our future relationships we will not have the same problems? Yes sure why not I will txt you when I am ready.
That night I walked home in the pouring rain and in the dark on my own, half drunk very annoyed and very hurt. When I arrived home my mother and father were making dinner for friends who were coming over that night. I ran upstairs to my bedroom and smashed all of Oliver's photos and pictures I had drawn of him, and just lay on my bed crying, until my mother came in to see what all the racket was all about I told her what had happened and I also told my father he said that if Oliver came near the house again he would hunt him down.
Dear friends that was the night that I fell back into my old habits basically getting drunk chain smoking and cutting my wrists. When two months before I thought that that was the end of my horrific outbursts.
Nicola Jane Townshend
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