My story begins when I was 19 years old. I had just gotten out of a four year high school relationship and was looking for someone to treat me like a princess. I had just moved to a new town and started to make new friends. I met "Sam" standing outside of a local pizza place. He had just moved to Missouri from Texas and was a tall, good looking, nice, and everything wrapped up into one bull riding guy. We were introduced and started dating immediately, I felt so honored that he wanted to go out with little ol' me. In the beginning everything was great. Here I was dating the most popular guy in town, "what did I do to deserve this" I would think with a sparkle in my eye, I thought I was so lucky.
But, Farther down the road I would be looking at the heavens with tears in my eyes and bruises on my body screaming "What did I do to deserve this !"
We dated for a couple of years, and to tell of the everyday occurences that happened, well let's just say I could write a book with many, many long chapters. So I will share the condensed story.
I have been beaten down in every way possible by this,"son of Sam". I lost every friend I had, every family member, every job I tried to get, he even beat on my vehicles so they wouldn't work or have a life at all and I would be stuck with him.
He lived with his adoptive parents (who were an Assembly's of God preacher and his wife). They were friends with his mother before he was born. The story I always heard was that his dad beat his mother all the time, till one day, when she was pregnant with him, she pulled out a gun,shot and killed him. His mother went to prison, and that is when his adoptive parents came into the picture. They raised him to be, "the preachers son". A bible reading, church going, polite talking person. What they didn't know was that there was the demon side of him. They lived in a small house. Two bedrooms, until they put walls around the open garage and called it a bedroom,which is where he stayed. He had his own door so he could come and go as he pleased. The floor was concrete, a bed in the corner, and a closet. There was a small piece of carpet by the bed (probably 3 x 2) where his blue heeler dog slept. I remember this vividly because this is also where I had to sleep.
I was kicked out of my house because my parents didn't know what else to do, they thought this would make me leave him,,but it didn't. I went to live with my friend,and then she kicked me out because of the same reason, so I moved my belongings in with his family,they said I could sleep in the spare room.
I know that the worst memory is when we were sitting in his truck in front of his house, I had said something that mad him mad,and he lost it. I told him that I didn't want to live anymore. He took the shotgun that was in the truck (yes loaded) and pushed to end of the barrell under my chin and put his finger on the trigger and kept saying "ya really want to die, you really want to die?" I just knew that this was going to be it for me. But I talked my way out of it, I calmed him down for a bit, and then was angry at him for doing this. I called him a son of a bitch, I got out of the truck. He picked up a broom stick that was in the yard and I ran,as fast as I could across the street (at midnight). I pounded on the door and screamed for help. They weren't home, but his parents came out, along with the rest of the block and ordered us inside (because remember, they were the preachers of the town). I was to blame for the scene and I was still stuck in their house with a person that wanted me dead. That was the end of the night.
Here are things I lived through:
He would come home after being out with another girl and then make me sleep with him while he would call me by the other girls name the whole time.
He would make me sleep on the concrete floor (in 10 degree weather) with his dog every night. There was a very small space heater, and a sheet. The dog got most of the carpet or he would growl at me. I also did not have a pillow most of the time. It was cold and the most humiliating memory I have.
He would try to take his life so many times,,,and for some reason I would stop him. He stopped in the middle of a highway one night,grabbed the gun, walked into the middle of the highway, got on his knees put the gun to his chin and sat there while an 18 wheeler raced towards him. I got out, pulled the gun away and threw it to the side. Grabbed him by the arms and drug him off the road right before the truck went by. This was just part of the mind games he liked to play.
He tried to hang himself one night and I stood there and held him up by the bottom of his legs for what seemed like hours, until he came out of his "demon side"
He punched me so hard one time,that I passed out for a few minutes, when I woke up I was laying down in the truck and he was freaking out, I kept my eyes closed because I was afraid this would be even worse if he knew I was ok. He went inside and left me out in the truck,after a couple of minutes I creeped out of the truck and tried to get away. It was night and I had made it to the side of the house and almost to the road, when his bedroom door opened. I layed down in the shadows of the trees, praying he wouldn't see me. I heard him going to the truck and then looking for me. Just as soon as he was going back inside he noticed me. Still laying there like I was still passed out. He was afraid I was dead. So he picked me up and took me inside. I never opened my eyes the rest of the night. I remember him praying and crying and saying he was sorry. The next morning he acted like nothing had happened. So did I.
He pulled into a church parking lot one day, drove around the back and jumped out of the truck.He was mad at me for dating other guys before him... after he got out I shut the door and locked it. He punched out the window and drug me out by whatever he could get ahold of. He picked up a watering hose that was on the ground, while he held my hair with one hand,he cut about a 5 foot section off of the hose. He then whipped me as hard as he could, over and over again. This is when I looked up the heavens and thought "why is this happening,,at a church of all reasons,and what did I do to deserve this" I remember him letting me go,so I ran. He started the truck and proceded to try and run me over, again, and again.
I soon lost my faith in god after this incident. I didn't understand how this could happen so close to Gods house. I gave up on everything soon after. He had ran my self esteem down,my body down,,and my will to live down.
There were so many more beatings that they all kind of run together after awhile.
After a couple of years, his parents moved him back to Texas because they knew what he was and that the only way to end our relationship was to move away.
I am now 33 years old. It has been 14 years since anyone has layed a hand on me,but my memories of Sam are forever in my head. I took my first trip to Texas a couple of years ago after I swore I wouldn't step a foot in the state because I knew this was where he lived. But I had to get over my fear and move forward with my life. And to be honest,I had a great time,,I was so proud of myself.
I have a 9 year old beautiful daughter and a wonderful boyfriend/fiance of 9 years (He really does make me feel like a princess, every day we are together). I love God and am thankfull for every day that I am alive and have the wonderful life that I do now. It took a long time for me to trust my friends, God, and my family after bieng hurt so badly (emotionally) by Sam. He made me think that I was a terrible person and that no one would ever love me. But I know different now.
I go to work everyday with a smile on my face. People look at me like I'm some idiot. They wonder why I am so happy all the time. Oh if they only knew how lucky I am to of lived this long.
I never thought I would smile again,I thought my life was always going to be terrible, because I deserved it. I still wonder why I was put through everything. I can only hope that it was so I could help other people that might be going through, or have gone through the same thing. I hope that if anyone out there is in this situation,they get out. Anyway they can. There is another life out there for you to live. A good life. One with laughter and smiles. I am living proof that it can happen. And trust me there Will come a day,,,when you will smile again.