Relationship Information > Control...Who controls who?


I have a few questions that will more than not  stir up some deep inner thoughts! They will also give you an idea of just how controlling your relationship may or may not be. No one likes to be in a relationship where they feel caged or controlled by their partner, it is very unhealthy and usually ends up being very unhappy. There is a fine line between love and hate when there is a controlling partner in the relationship. The only person that we have any right to control is ourselves!

Life is way too short to settle for anything especially when it involves relationships. There is way to much to risk when it comes to matters of the heart. For warned is for armed! I have always believed that fact to be very true. Relationships are one of the most valued parts of our lives and we invest a lot of our minds and souls into them. So why would you not want to be 100% prepared before you take that initial step into waters that could be so treacherous and overwhelming?

How many people fall for another person instantly because of looks or the social atmosphere at the time? Too many.

So to have a list of questions to ponder will not only awaken what is going on in your present relationship , but they will also be very effective in preparing you for what you should not ignore or settle with in your future relationships.

These questions are designed to challenge...........

.....your awareness outside of that emotional box. They are also written form one side of the partnership..so you will have to play both sides when you answer these questions for them to be accurate for you.

Have you ever doubted your spouses sexual loyalties to your relationship?

Do you feel that there is a controlling partner in your relationship?

Have you ever wanted them to just be with you ?

Do you want them to only have eyes for you?

Do you dislike when they look at another?

Do you fear losing your partner?

Does it bother you when they spend time talking to another?

Do you feel left out when your partner goes out and enjoys time with others?

Have you ever checked your partners phone, e-mails or pockets?

Have you ever deleted messages from their computer before they have seen them?

Do you find that you spend more time wondering what they are doing, than what you are doing?

Do you question them on every move they make?

Do you go through their pockets, looking for anything that might lead you to believe they are breaching their commitment to you,

Have you ever questioned their friends about a certain night that they were out together without you?

Have you ever tasted them with a kiss or smelled their clothes when they come home after they have been out ?

Do you control your partners friendships just in case there may be room for some type of sexual attraction?

Do you feel that your insecure emotions are controlling you?

Do you ever wonder how your controlling need is affecting your partners happiness which in turn affects yours?

Hmmmm, how many of these questions, or thoughts have you been guilty of?

If you can say yes to half of these questions, you are definitely in/on a very controlling rollercoaster ride which will become very destructive if you do not identify with whats going on with you or your partner & quickly change its course. You uncontrollably search for something, anything, and through that search you will allow yourself to be controlled each time you apply any of the above thoughts or actions.

It's one of those 'you are damned if you do, and you are damned if you don`t' situations. To not question and search, you are left to trust and have faith and believe in your relationship. Trust is a hard thing to do when you allow weakness to control your thoughts. To become skeptical with your heart is a very long, lonely journey to nowhere. You have to allow your mind to rest and trust the one you have chosen to give your heart to. Yes it is risky, but that's what love is.You must learn to trust, believe, disallow control, love unconditionaly and most of all feel like you are that special person they chose as a life partner.

There are going to be times when your partner will be involved with someone that may feel threatening to you. This is when your partner will know the line. They will know to keep their personals in tact. They will know that to cross that line will only set your relationship up for complication.

Fact...
Most of us at some point are sexually attracted to someone other than our spouse but, it's whether or not we act on that attraction that defines loyalty to our relationship. This is where the word intent comes into play.

This is also when the line has to be drawn by both parties. "To be human is to error". I know that sounds like an excuse to fail another. It may be in some instances and it may not be in others. There are so many situations in life, that I can only generalize.

SELF-CONTROL is the word that comes to mind here. The possible situation mentioned above, is where we all must know how to control our thoughts so they do not become actions. We must choose to control that moment of lust or interest. The choice of self-control is really what matters in a relationship.

Stop allowing the worry of 'What if' control your thoughts. This is where your true commitment lies. It is through belief and trust. Is it not sweeter to feel good about the, US in our lives? Is it not finer to feel that we can control the negative thoughts and only allow positive thoughts rule our actions? Well then take a positive CONTROL on your thoughts.
There are many forms of control between couples...make sure that the control in your relationship is your own self-control! No one wants to be the controller nor be controlled in a relationship...as I mentioned earlier..it is unhealthy and very unhappy! It is also the fine line between love & hate!

Let your love guide you. Let your love show you the way to a life of smiles and happiness. Oh and HUGGZ. You all know I am big on those. Huggz are a very positive way to communicate. It can send messages from one to another in the most pleasant way.



When you CONTROL your thoughts, then you control your feelings!

You can`t control what goes on outside...

but you can always...

control what goes on inside!

~D~

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