I'm Still Here

Well my survival story started when i was 8yrs my mum and dad was always arguing ,then one day i got up to discovered my mum had gone,and my dad wouldn,t tell me any thing,any how with in time i realised that i and my five brothers and young handicapped sister were now living in a one parent family with my dad,all seemed well for the first few months then my dad seemed to be hitting the drink even more then before i knew it my dad started to act strange around me,and so it began my dad would be entering my room on many many occassions to take me into his room and i,d be abused in many ways,my sister would hear and see him taking me but didn,t know what to do because she was only young,and i was always told to say nothing or the family would be split up,i endoured 6-7 yrs of verbal, sexual,and physical abuse,and no one knew about it ,only my little sis,well i got married young guess it was my way to escape,well it wasn,t an easy marriage and after 20yrs i got divorced,then i met my new boyfriend who im not having such a good relationship with right now ,any how things haven,t been easy for me through the years and i finally got to breaking point and knew i could not live with the thought of my dad acting as if every thing was hunky dory,and i did the hardest thing ive ever done i reported him to the police and now he has been locked up for 8yrs and it wasn,t easy because i still had strange guilt feeling having him locked up,but i have to tell myself ive been living as if i was in my own hell hole,i suffer depression get suicidal and seem to attract the wrong kind of guys but the one thing im proud of is im a proud mum of three older children an im a SURVIVOR.

The ex
My jealousy of course lies with in my boyfriends ex,its not only hard that im some years older than my boyfriend but that he has three young kids to his ex,and in the whole time ive been with him i get the feeling that the two of them still hold some kind of a attraction to each other because every time my boyfriend gets on the drink he will blabber all night long about her or he will with out thinking go ring her up,to the stage he rang her up at 12.15am and his exscuse was he was ringing the kids but come on the kids would of been in bed,and he lied to me saying his son had broke a foot and i found out no such thing had happened he was just trying to devert his exscuse for ringing her,the other reasons are that a few years into our relationship his ex rang him up at 3am saying dont you love me any more ,now she left him so why the concern on how he felt about her,and the latest event was a few days ago and ive now been with my boyfriend 5yrs any how his ex went out for the night with her brother got very toxicated and for some reason got upset with the fact her mum brought her a ring and thought it was a jester reminding her she has never been married,any how she got upset and drove of in her car at 5.30 am leaving her kids with her mum who was visiting from another state,any how the only person she contacted was her ex to tell him how upset she was and that she needed a break from the kids ,any how he jumped to attention and drove up and picked up the kids even though we had no money ,then two nights later she rings him up and there chatting for an hour and i was sitting by his side just to see what he was saying well he couldn,t of been any nicer to her considering she had just deserted her kids,so of course i wasn,t feeling good that she can get away with any thing and that he can have decent conversations with her but cant talk to me like that,i feel im just a place for him to live and someone to do his cooking and cleaning,im feeling really used up right now,she says jump he says how high but myself i dont have a say,is this all just silly jealousy or is my feeling right do they still have some things between them to work out?
Heather, I'm Still Here

http://www.womensselfesteem.com

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