~Womensselfesteem.com's Newsletter ~

~~Learn to Listen~~

Have you ever wondered why we were given two ears but only one mouth? It is because listening is twice as hard as talking.

Have you ever been accused of not listening? I am sure that we all have at one time or another.
We also all know how frustrating it is when we feel what we need to say is falling on deaf ears.

In order to communicate effectively we must learn and practice the art of listening.
Listening to not only the meaning of the words but to also look for the feelings and the intent behind those words will help you stay focused.
Your body language is also very important when you are listening. If you look at your watch...are you listening...nope...you are in-fact looking at your watch. You are causing yourself to be distracted.
Work on staying focused...if you actually learn to listen, I promise you will be surprised at what you hear.

There are many reasons besides self-distraction that interfere with our ability to listen when another is speaking.
Most of our ability to be good listeners is learned through our life and experiences in life.
Some of us are genuinely all too eager to share our own thoughts before the other has a chance to finish theirs.....which only puts us into a place where we are too busy formulating our own rebuttal even before we hear the entire response.
Some of us are too preoccupied with another issue to be trying to listen.
Some of us are too easily distracted by our surroundings to give our full attention.. hence only really hearing merely half of what is being said.
Some of us are too busy mentally evaluating and/or being judgmental about the speaker to be focusing on what he/she is actually saying.
We also have the reasoning of being bored with what is being said.
All of these disable us from listening properly which in turn disables our ability to communicate effectively.

I have in my years of learning, spent a lot of time analyzing my own level of ability to simply shut up and listen. I am always afraid that I will forget my 'magnificent point' if I wait to have my turn at the podium. We all have our reasons which usually stem from bad habits. I believe mine came from being raised in such a large family and never feeling like I was being heard or if I waited my turn it would never come.

Listening is a very hard lesson not only to learn but to maintain and continue if you do not put a conscious effort into it. One way to break your habit of not listening is to nicely ask for a minute to regroup or prepare yourself to give your full attention to them. After you do this a few times, you will automatically fall into being an effective listener.

In relationships of the heart we are up against those emotional feelings that love to trap our minds into negative listening. So be very aware of that when your partner is trying to explain a touchy issue with you. Interpretation has created many wars in relationships and that interpretation is a result of poor listening in many cases.

I bet that if we took more time and patience to listen we would have a lot less issues with interpreting what we are being told or rather what we think we are being told.

In turn we should also expect to be heard when it is our turn to speak. Positive actions teach positive reactions. This rings true with listening as well as any other emotions especially when dealing with other people.

Our level of self-esteem shines through ones ability to actually listen. If we are confident in who we are and what we think, we almost naturally fall into a good listening mode. We do not feel the need to be the center of attention or always be at the front of the line.

So the next time someone is speaking to you..even if you have to ask them for a minute to prepare yourself to listen...it is a much more polite gesture than not listening.

Can you hear me now :)
~D~

~It is Time to think DIFFERENTLY~

DorothyL

Owner of Womensselfesteem.com