The evening started out as usual with a bit of general chit-chat and getting comfortable, but soon things were underway with the interview. Here's how it went:
[Sun Mar 26 16:09:05 PST 2006] Dorothy Welcome to another on-line book interview
[Sun Mar 26 16:09:19 PST 2006] Dorothy As you have all met the author Teresa Barton
[Sun Mar 26 16:09:30 PST 2006] Dorothy Her book is Attracting the Man over 30
[Sun Mar 26 16:10:05 PST 2006] Dorothy Teresa , Thank you so much for coming here tonight and all of you sweet ladies, Thank you also for supporting this interview.
[Sun Mar 26 16:10:13 PST 2006] teresabarton I'm happy to do it!
[Sun Mar 26 16:10:27 PST 2006] Dorothy Teresa we know a little about you already so that basically takes care of the first question
[Sun Mar 26 16:10:40 PST 2006] Dorothy If there is anything else you would like to add please do
[Sun Mar 26 16:11:23 PST 2006] teresabarton Just want to say - in case you all don't know that my husband and I wrote the book together - and we have been together for over 10 years
[Sun Mar 26 16:11:53 PST 2006] Dorothy Yes and he is a real charm.
[Sun Mar 26 16:12:14 PST 2006] Dorothy Teresa I am going to start with a few questions regarding your book!
[Sun Mar 26 16:12:18 PST 2006] teresabarton Dorothy, thank you - yes he is a charmer!
[Sun Mar 26 16:12:26 PST 2006] teresabarton Okay - sounds good
[Sun Mar 26 16:12:32 PST 2006] Dorothy What inspired you to write Attracting the Man over 30?
[Sun Mar 26 16:12:52 PST 2006] teresabarton Primarily I had a lot of friends that just didn't understand why they couldn't seem to attract 'the right' man
[Sun Mar 26 16:12:57 PST 2006] Dorothy I know, I have talked to him a few times...reminds me of my Mike alot actually:)
[Sun Mar 26 16:13:33 PST 2006] Dorothy What exactly does your book set out to do for women?
[Sun Mar 26 16:13:34 PST 2006] teresabarton Mark and I would discuss our different friends and talk about what advice we would give them, if we could - because we were too close to them - and didn't want to hurt them - but really it's constructive criticism
[Sun Mar 26 16:13:50 PST 2006] Dorothy Exactly.
[Sun Mar 26 16:14:17 PST 2006] teresabarton Our book helps women do self-evaluation, identify what kind of man they want to attract, tells them which areas and places to steer clear from - and also what red flags to look out for - when they find a man they are interested in
[Sun Mar 26 16:14:57 PST 2006] teresabarton A lot of women are in a rut with their appearance and way of thinking - they need to know that they are valued and that starts with being self-confident
[Sun Mar 26 16:15:15 PST 2006] Dorothy Could you tell us a bit about the survey that you have based a lot of your facts and information on?
[Sun Mar 26 16:16:20 PST 2006] teresabarton We surveyed 2500 men who volunteered to answer our questions about what they find attractive, what turns them off - and what they really seek in a mate
[Sun Mar 26 16:16:49 PST 2006] Dorothy Do You feel that there are many women in search of THE book that will help thwem find that PERFECT guy as opposed to letting destiny take it course
[Sun Mar 26 16:17:17 PST 2006] teresabarton I believe we all seek to better educate ourselves as we get older and wiser - so we make better decisions
[Sun Mar 26 16:17:40 PST 2006] teresabarton Also as we mature, we are less superficial - we really want someone we are compatible with - so in order to catch the fish - you need to dangle the right bate
[Sun Mar 26 16:18:16 PST 2006] teresabarton If you just want to have a fun night - you might dress a different way and then you will attract someone for that 'one' fun night!
[Sun Mar 26 16:18:54 PST 2006] teresabarton Our book tells the reader how men think and what they are attacted to
[Sun Mar 26 16:19:06 PST 2006] Dorothy yes that is very true.
[Sun Mar 26 16:19:45 PST 2006] teresabarton Also, if your goal is to attract a companion or to find marriage, this book gives you the fundamental insight into what men are thinking - that have those same goals
[Sun Mar 26 16:20:21 PST 2006] Dorothy I agree, because that is what a lot of women are actually doing once they pass a certain age.
[Sun Mar 26 16:20:38 PST 2006] Dorothy They seem to be tired of fate helping so that is why your book is so important
[Sun Mar 26 16:20:44 PST 2006] Dorothy What made you chose the age "30" to base your survey on?
[Sun Mar 26 16:21:13 PST 2006] teresabarton we want to encourage and inspire women to not give up - to get back out there - because the survey tells us that men are looking also for someone they are compatible with just as we are
[Sun Mar 26 16:21:17 PST 2006] Dorothy Were you ever surprised at any of the answers that your recieved from your survey?
[Sun Mar 26 16:21:44 PST 2006] teresabarton We were pleasantly surprised that when we tallied up the survey, men are not as superficial as the media would have you to believe
[Sun Mar 26 16:21:55 PST 2006] Dorothy :)
[Sun Mar 26 16:22:01 PST 2006] teresabarton they chose a compatible 'PERSONALITY' as the number one trait they desire in a woman
[Sun Mar 26 16:22:01 PST 2006] SarahMD :)
[Sun Mar 26 16:22:04 PST 2006] Dorothy Thats 1 for man!
[Sun Mar 26 16:22:15 PST 2006] teresabarton yes - and wouldn't we all agree
[Sun Mar 26 16:22:23 PST 2006] Dorothy mhm
[Sun Mar 26 16:22:45 PST 2006] teresabarton If you have just a pretty face and pretty body - but you can't hold a conversation - or you don't 'click' with your significant other - then you definitely don't have the foundation for a long-term relationship
[Sun Mar 26 16:23:22 PST 2006] teresabarton And any long-term relationship must be built on a strong foundation of compatibility and common interests not looks!
[Sun Mar 26 16:23:54 PST 2006] teresabarton Our book does talk about getting a make over because it's human nature for us to be attracted to beautiful things
[Sun Mar 26 16:24:09 PST 2006] teresabarton Everyone has the potential to improve themselves - we need to move out of the big hair 80s!!!
[Sun Mar 26 16:24:14 PST 2006] Dorothy This is just my curiosity of course, becasue I found the opening few pages of your bookabout the cave man a very unique approach to the the readers, what prompted you to use that analogy as your first few pages of basically introducing your book?
[Sun Mar 26 16:24:32 PST 2006] teresabarton It's the grass-roots approach -
[Sun Mar 26 16:24:48 PST 2006] teresabarton We all need to understand how man and woman evolved from the beginning -
[Sun Mar 26 16:25:26 PST 2006] teresabarton Men and women behave in specific ways differently to specific situations and in order to fine tune you need to understand these things
[Sun Mar 26 16:25:37 PST 2006] Dorothy mhm
[Sun Mar 26 16:25:57 PST 2006] teresabarton I learned a lot by reading Dr John Gray's Mars and Venus books which describes the characteristics of men and women as well
[Sun Mar 26 16:26:29 PST 2006] Dorothy Yes I was going to say that I would put that book 2nd
[Sun Mar 26 16:26:40 PST 2006] teresabarton Oh - 2nd to my book?
[Sun Mar 26 16:26:51 PST 2006] teresabarton Wow! That's a nice compliment - I'm just proud to be in the same category
[Sun Mar 26 16:26:52 PST 2006] Dorothy I have to put yours on top of that one only because it hit home for me alot
[Sun Mar 26 16:27:16 PST 2006] teresabarton I love the Mars/Venus books they are so informative
[Sun Mar 26 16:27:41 PST 2006] Dorothy Both these books are the recommended relationship books by WSE.com
[Sun Mar 26 16:27:49 PST 2006] Dorothy Actually they are #1 and 2
[Sun Mar 26 16:28:12 PST 2006] teresabarton I have the Dr John Gray 'What Your Mother Couldn't Tell You and Your Father Didn't Know' which is an excellent book too
[Sun Mar 26 16:28:53 PST 2006] Dorothy Can you share with us what type of responsesyou received from your readers, good and bad?
[Sun Mar 26 16:28:54 PST 2006] teresabarton Let's talk about a book that I found insulting to women.....
[Sun Mar 26 16:28:59 PST 2006] teresabarton oh okay
[Sun Mar 26 16:29:06 PST 2006] Dorothy I will have to check that book out, thank you!
[Sun Mar 26 16:29:07 PST 2006] teresabarton yes, first of all - we have been very positively received
[Sun Mar 26 16:29:27 PST 2006] teresabarton we have appeared at several book shows and those are such fun - it's really rewarding when someone comes up and tells you a success story
[Sun Mar 26 16:29:39 PST 2006] Dorothy :)
[Sun Mar 26 16:29:44 PST 2006] teresabarton we have found that a lot of women ask 'why over 30, why not over 40, or over 50?
[Sun Mar 26 16:30:35 PST 2006] teresabarton And, the thing is - it seems that today many women 40 and 50 are still dating and interested in men in their 30s - women are typically more physically active and age slower - so I believe by interviewing those men over 30 - we have qualified men for women ages 30 - 55!
[Sun Mar 26 16:31:10 PST 2006] Dorothy True, very true.
[Sun Mar 26 16:31:28 PST 2006] Dorothy Ok so tell us what book you found insulting ?
[Sun Mar 26 16:31:28 PST 2006] teresabarton Yes - so about the book that I found insulting - "He's just not into you!!!'
[Sun Mar 26 16:31:35 PST 2006] Dorothy LOL
[Sun Mar 26 16:31:38 PST 2006] teresabarton GIVE ME A BREAK!!!
[Sun Mar 26 16:31:46 PST 2006] teresabarton That book was primarily policity hype!
[Sun Mar 26 16:32:05 PST 2006] teresabarton The examples of letters in there were not factual - and you can see that in the fine print
[Sun Mar 26 16:32:21 PST 2006] Dorothy I think I ran over it at Barnes but it really did not catch my eye nor my interest
[Sun Mar 26 16:32:33 PST 2006] teresabarton I do think it was a fun read -but although they meant for you to take it seriously - I could never - as a mature, educated, intelligent woman, take anything in that book seriously
[Sun Mar 26 16:32:48 PST 2006] Dorothy The title is tacky at best.
[Sun Mar 26 16:33:11 PST 2006] teresabarton Besides, it also empowers men and devalues women
[Sun Mar 26 16:33:43 PST 2006] Dorothy Speaking of titles do you find that your title has set a bit of prejudged ideas to any one that has not read the book?
[Sun Mar 26 16:33:53 PST 2006] Dorothy I hate those books...grrrr!
[Sun Mar 26 16:34:47 PST 2006] teresabarton Yes because many of us are too age oriented - unfortunately - I do see that changing - some people see 'over 30' and they think well I'm 40 - so this book isn't for me - that's unfortunate
[Sun Mar 26 16:35:05 PST 2006] Dorothy True.
[Sun Mar 26 16:35:19 PST 2006] Dorothy What made you choose that exact title
[Sun Mar 26 16:35:29 PST 2006] Dorothy You say nothing about dating at all.
[Sun Mar 26 16:35:30 PST 2006] teresabarton We did hear from a few cynical women at one of our shows that said 'what about a book 'attracting the woman over 30' -
[Sun Mar 26 16:36:13 PST 2006] teresabarton The book is primarily on attraction and gives you the keys to attract the 'right' person - then it does tell you how to evaluate if you want to further a relationship with the person or not
[Sun Mar 26 16:37:03 PST 2006] Dorothy I also feel that your book can help women and men to keep the partner that they already have.
[Sun Mar 26 16:37:07 PST 2006] teresabarton Our survey pretty much dictated what our title would be - we put the questions together and only surveyed men over 30 because they are more settled and ready for a life partner rather than a one night stand
[Sun Mar 26 16:37:42 PST 2006] teresabarton That's right - our book gives suggestions on how to exciting and fresh!
[Sun Mar 26 16:37:52 PST 2006] teresabarton I meant 'stay exciting and fresh!" ha ha
[Sun Mar 26 16:37:54 PST 2006] teresabarton I'm typing too fast!
[Sun Mar 26 16:38:35 PST 2006] Dorothy When exactly if you can remember did you start writing your book and when did you finish, I guess in short how long did it take you to write your book?
[Sun Mar 26 16:38:56 PST 2006] teresabarton It took approximately 2 years once we had our survey results
[Sun Mar 26 16:39:26 PST 2006] Dorothy What was the hardest part of writing and organizing it?
[Sun Mar 26 16:40:12 PST 2006] teresabarton We put all the data in a database and ran queries so it wasn't that hard - conducting the surveys took a lot of time but it was so much fun and the men loved answering the questions - it made them feel flattered
[Sun Mar 26 16:40:38 PST 2006] Dorothy I would have luv`d to have been part of that for sure.
[Sun Mar 26 16:40:59 PST 2006] Dorothy Teresa did you get any help from your book on your own relationship?
[Sun Mar 26 16:41:21 PST 2006] teresabarton Yes -we have had several TV appearances and appeared at book, health and beauty shows - that's a lot of fun - it's really rewarding
[Sun Mar 26 16:41:45 PST 2006] Dorothy If you had a chance to rewrite, "Attracting Men over 30" would you change anything at all?
[Sun Mar 26 16:42:32 PST 2006] teresabarton Well since Mark and I worked on the book together, I think we learned a lot about each other - and learned that we agreed on a lot of things
[Sun Mar 26 16:42:42 PST 2006] Dorothy :)
[Sun Mar 26 16:42:48 PST 2006] Dorothy Thats a very good thing.
[Sun Mar 26 16:43:35 PST 2006] teresabarton And we were so happy to review that the majority of the men surveyed matched what we listed when we took our own survey
[Sun Mar 26 16:44:05 PST 2006] teresabarton That was very reassuring because if you just listen to the media and what others think - we all think all the men want a 'Barbie Doll' - and it's just not true
[Sun Mar 26 16:44:31 PST 2006] Dorothy You have somewhat answered earlier my question in regards to your choice of self-publishing as opposed to hiring a publisher, but for the women that arrived late could you please answer that again?
[Sun Mar 26 16:45:02 PST 2006] teresabarton We reviewed and interviewed publishers but there is a lot of red tape
[Sun Mar 26 16:45:13 PST 2006] teresabarton after the survey, and writing for 2 years, we wanted to get the book to market quickly
[Sun Mar 26 16:45:13 PST 2006] Dorothy I can imagine.
[Sun Mar 26 16:45:35 PST 2006] teresabarton We are both IT professionals so we decided to publish the book ourselves - then we had to find a printer to work with us to mass produce our book
[Sun Mar 26 16:46:20 PST 2006] teresabarton We are still talking with some publishers but we don't really want to make changes to the book - and if we decide to go with a publisher - we would sell all rights to the book -
[Sun Mar 26 16:46:33 PST 2006] Dorothy If I was a new author, what advice would you give me to make my road to publishing my book an easier one?
[Sun Mar 26 16:46:46 PST 2006] Dorothy I have heard some of that from other authors, yes.
[Sun Mar 26 16:47:12 PST 2006] teresabarton Make sure to do thorough research so you know your topic really well
[Sun Mar 26 16:47:39 PST 2006] Dorothy That makes total sense, with all the books out there these days.
[Sun Mar 26 16:47:46 PST 2006] Dorothy It seems that every one is an author:)
[Sun Mar 26 16:48:13 PST 2006] Dorothy Do you have plans to do another book similar to, "Attracting the Man over 30"?
[Sun Mar 26 16:48:32 PST 2006] teresabarton We are gathering information for another book - we are still evaluating
[Sun Mar 26 16:49:27 PST 2006] teresabarton I would like to further encourage women - so I'm always thinking of ways to do that
[Sun Mar 26 16:49:48 PST 2006] Dorothy Do you have to put a lot of time and expense into traveling to promote your book?
[Sun Mar 26 16:50:29 PST 2006] teresabarton We have done a lot of local shows and are hoping to get on the Today show and would like to go on Oprah - but since we are self-published we probably won't be on Oprah --it's tough to get on her show.
[Sun Mar 26 16:50:43 PST 2006] Dorothy Also how do you work a normal day and then find time for your promoting?
[Sun Mar 26 16:51:28 PST 2006] teresabarton It's a full schedule - but remember
[Sun Mar 26 16:51:33 PST 2006] teresabarton us girls over 30 have a lot of energy!!!!
[Sun Mar 26 16:51:49 PST 2006] teresabarton My children are older now - and my career is very stable - so writing is a hobby that I enjoy
[Sun Mar 26 16:52:17 PST 2006] Dorothy And this will be my last question to you before I sit back and let the ladies enjoy your sharing....Besides your hubby, was there any other person/s that played a big role in supporting you throughout your book?
[Sun Mar 26 16:52:53 PST 2006] teresabarton Just those who were surveyed and some of our friends
[Sun Mar 26 16:53:06 PST 2006] Dorothy Oh one more..:)
[Sun Mar 26 16:53:24 PST 2006] Dorothy Where did you find the women to use your survey on?
[Sun Mar 26 16:54:00 PST 2006] teresabarton We only interviewed men - and then we shared the book with women friends and associates
[Sun Mar 26 16:54:19 PST 2006] Dorothy Ok I see
[Sun Mar 26 16:54:25 PST 2006] Dorothy I was wondering about that
[Sun Mar 26 16:54:51 PST 2006] Dorothy Ok Teresa I am so happy that you hung in there with me and ladies please feel free to talk to teresa .
[Sun Mar 26 16:55:04 PST 2006] Dorothy Oh teresa...
[Sun Mar 26 16:55:14 PST 2006] teresabarton yes
[Sun Mar 26 16:55:21 PST 2006] Bijoux How did you make the decision to self publish, and are you happy with that decision?
[Sun Mar 26 16:55:28 PST 2006] teresabarton I'm ready for any additional questions - this is so fun and Dorothy I'm so proud of you and work you do through your site
[Sun Mar 26 16:55:33 PST 2006] Dorothy let me know when you have to go also, please do not feel that you have to stay. I know that you are busy.
[Sun Mar 26 16:55:48 PST 2006] Perny Hi Teresa, and congrats on your book...I have 2 questions...hope Im not repeating cuz I was a few min late
[Sun Mar 26 16:55:52 PST 2006] teresabarton I am happy with the decision of self publishing - because it allowed us to get to market quicker, start book tours and start selling
[Sun Mar 26 16:55:56 PST 2006] Dorothy Ladies take your time in sending please.
[Sun Mar 26 16:55:59 PST 2006] teresabarton That's fine Perny - please go ahead
[Sun Mar 26 16:56:06 PST 2006] SarahMD Teresa, why do so many men act non-committal or scared? I
sense that they don't feel comfortable dating....what did the results show?
[Sun Mar 26 16:56:38 PST 2006] Perny lol, well 3 actually.... Did you write your survey after forming a hypothesis? and if so, what was it?
[Sun Mar 26 16:56:51 PST 2006] teresabarton I think that is for the younger, immature men - that's what our survey showed - but also there are women out there that hurt relationship building by being 'too easy' giving the milk away for free
[Sun Mar 26 16:57:49 PST 2006] teresabarton The survey questions started by us feeling sympathy for some of our female friends and relatives
[Sun Mar 26 16:59:00 PST 2006] teresabarton we had so many friends tell us that they were unhappy
[Sun Mar 26 16:59:08 PST 2006] Perny I see, thanks , and 2nd question...when you self publish, is there a congressional copyright? how does that work?
[Sun Mar 26 16:59:29 PST 2006] teresabarton not able to attract the right companion so we would talk about it and figured out what we would tell them if we 'could' tell them - then we developed the survey and started making notes toward a book
[Sun Mar 26 16:59:33 PST 2006] Dorothy Good question Perny.
[Sun Mar 26 16:59:53 PST 2006] teresabarton Yes - you apply for a copyright through the US government copyright office - they assign you a number which you associate with your book
[Sun Mar 26 17:00:03 PST 2006] teresabarton You have to purchase an ISBN number
[Sun Mar 26 17:00:59 PST 2006] Perny thanks Teresa, and 3rd...were any of the guys you interviewed aware of the fact that they seem to come on too strong from the get go, or understand what a turn off that is???
[Sun Mar 26 17:01:37 PST 2006] Bijoux Ms Barton when self-publishing, promoting is on your own, at your own expense, is that different with a publisher?
[Sun Mar 26 17:01:40 PST 2006] teresabarton Yes - they did say that sometimes -but you know men use that as a test - they are sexually driven and if they come on very strong, sometimes they get what they are after -
[Sun Mar 26 17:01:56 PST 2006] teresabarton sometimes they find out that the woman isn't easy yet they find her interesting and want to pursue her
[Sun Mar 26 17:02:10 PST 2006] Perny they use it as a test? Yikes
[Sun Mar 26 17:02:27 PST 2006] SarahMD Huh??? that's new to me....
[Sun Mar 26 17:02:32 PST 2006] teresabarton Some publishers buy the book and all rights
[Sun Mar 26 17:02:34 PST 2006] Perny LOL....I've severed ties w/guys after one night of negotiating that issue
[Sun Mar 26 17:02:44 PST 2006] teresabarton Perny, yes - they are testing to see what kind of woman you are
[Sun Mar 26 17:02:59 PST 2006] Perny news to me too
[Sun Mar 26 17:03:04 PST 2006] SarahMD They seem to try too hard with me, and it's a turnoff....
[Sun Mar 26 17:03:09 PST 2006] teresabarton Perny - so have I - and you are glad the next day that you cut off that relationship - if you feel that way - you should trust your instincts
[Sun Mar 26 17:03:16 PST 2006] Perny It is a HUGE turn off
[Sun Mar 26 17:03:23 PST 2006] Dorothy Actually it is good for all ages to read.
[Sun Mar 26 17:04:14 PST 2006] teresabarton We should all remember that...
[Sun Mar 26 17:04:16 PST 2006] Perny so it's true, guys give mixed messages.
[Sun Mar 26 17:04:27 PST 2006] teresabarton we have but one life and each day we need to make sure we are doing what is best for ourselves
[Sun Mar 26 17:04:37 PST 2006] teresabarton guys do give mixed messages - and you know, gals do too!
[Sun Mar 26 17:04:51 PST 2006] SarahMD but--did they say if we were hard to relate to, and did we make it hard for them too?
[Sun Mar 26 17:05:01 PST 2006] teresabarton I think our book clears up a lot of miscommunication
[Sun Mar 26 17:05:07 PST 2006] Perny yeah but Teresa , I just thought they were beans for brains
[Sun Mar 26 17:05:36 PST 2006] Perny ONE GEAR...ya know?
[Sun Mar 26 17:05:54 PST 2006] Bijoux Sorry that I was late, must run, will read the transcripts. Is the book available in stores now?
[Sun Mar 26 17:05:58 PST 2006] teresabarton We primarily asked what they found attractive (actions, personality, clothing, SMILES!)
[Sun Mar 26 17:06:15 PST 2006] teresabarton They ranked Smiling and being approachable as being something very important
[Sun Mar 26 17:06:21 PST 2006] Mary Yes, click the book picture above
[Sun Mar 26 17:06:25 PST 2006] Perny oh boy
[Sun Mar 26 17:06:28 PST 2006] Bijoux thanks
[Sun Mar 26 17:06:30 PST 2006] Perny am I glad to hear that
[Sun Mar 26 17:06:40 PST 2006] teresabarton Because it's still usually the man who makes the first move, if you aren't smiling and your body language doesn't indicate that you are approachable, then they will not approach you
[Sun Mar 26 17:06:45 PST 2006] Bijoux left.
[Sun Mar 26 17:06:53 PST 2006] teresabarton Bye Bijoux
[Sun Mar 26 17:07:05 PST 2006] Perny that is so interesting
; Then there was a little bit of general chit-chat and the evening chat ended. It was really great to talk to Teresa Barton about her book.
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