Have you ever used sex as a tool? No? Aw , come on. You never did the bat-your-eyes routine? I have. On some level we all do. Ever notice how big a baby's eyes are? That is a defense. Yes, a defense. Those eyes are the same size as their adult eyes will be. The portrayal of innocence through big eyes. Those eyes are a plea. They represent the universal sign for helplessness. Women use that too. I have watched my granddaughter use those eyes on her mother, father and grandfather. She is cute as a button but can turn on you in a heartbeat. Manipulation is key here. Sex, power and the rescue. A symbiotic relationship that represents survival.

     I still use sex as a tool. Not sexual intercourse but the bat-your-eyes routine. Show a little cleavage, smile and make your eyes real big. The pouted lip helps too. Women can make  men weak in their knees and have a need to rescue the damsel in distress. Tell me you have not done that. Subconscious behavior in some, deliberate in others. We have all used it to get what we need. Promise. It started when you were a baby. I learned what I could do to get what I need.

     My ex-husband had a need to rescue me. Now, if you have read my previous entries, you now know that he also was my abuser. He once told me of a dream he had. That dream had me in a wheelchair and totally dependant on him. Wow, I could not imagine that situation! Then again, maybe he would have fulfilled his need to rescue me. He thought he was rescuing me from my abusive parents. I was a survivor and far from dependant. I was a strong defiant woman. I know I suffered many a power struggle with my parents over that trait. They couldn?t beat it out of me. My ex-husband tried also. He had beat me into submission. He had a need to be all powerful over me. That power would include my dependence on him. How could he rescue me if I was not cooperating.? He used sex to torture me. I was always beat then raped. There was his power over me.

     I used sex to punish him. That was my power. I had a tool. See, I knew of this tool before I met him. I was looking for love in all the wrong places. I was promiscuous as a teen. I was looking for someone to love me and I used sex to find that. Women view sexual intercourse as an act of love. Men do not see it that way. Sex is Sex is Sex. Men see it that way. I learned the hard way. When I met my ex-husband I was seventeen and he was twenty four. He was a father figure. Albeit a psycho father figure but he was going to love me and take me away from the madness I called my life. I let him rescue me. Problem was he wouldn't leave it at the rescue. He wanted that power. We did that terrible dance for five years. I cannot imagine being that person any longer.

     Now, I ask you to think about what kind of relationship you are having with your husband, boyfriend or lover? Think hard before you answer. Sometime when you met them you portrayed sex, power or a rescue.

Deidre's Website Blog- LIfe In The Empty Nest (http://www.justblogme.com/mommyrn/)

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