Hi I am writing this story to tell you that getting out out of a violent relationship is not only possible, I did it. I never thought that I would escape him. I will call him "J" as I tell my story. J and I met my freshman year of college. He was everything I wanted to be--outgoing, funny, charming, and seemed to have a lot of friends. We had so much fun together, I was in love.
Before long, J's real personality started to show up. He would smoke pot all day long, and do pills. It was easy for him to get the pills because his mother is prescribed Oxycontin and she gives these pills to him freely. She says that she "needs" the oxy, for her shoulder. But the truth is she has been on them for five years now and if she wanted to, she could get surgery to fix her shoulder. But she is literally addicted and so is her son. Sometimes she sends him out on pot runs for her so she can smoke it with him. The first time I tried o.c., it was with him. Before long I became addicted, and since he was my only source, I became dependent on him emotionally.
He began to get controlling of my time. He didn't want me to spend any time away from him. He would have his friends over all day, sitting and watching t.v. and smoking pot. And I would wait for them to go home, and if I said anything, he would tell me to relax, or we would get in a huge fight. J and I started fighting quite frequently, and often, he would grab my arms as we fought and sometimes shove me onto the bed. If I tried to leave his place and go home, he would physically restrain me and keep me from going. Sometimes he would punch a hole in the wall, usually the physical violence wasn't more than a shove. In 2004 I broke up with him for five months. I ended up going back to him, after he promised he had changed and would never hurt me again. Fast forward a couple years. One tim e he sat on me *all 300 pounds and told me that I better behave if he was gonna get up. One time we were on a road trip and he slapped my face really hard because I missed a turn off for the bathroom.
Last summer the violence was often and regular. He would get moody from all of the oxy he was taking and he would take it out on me. One time he punched my arm so hard a huge purple bruise appeared on it. His mom would give him more pills when he was angry, especially when he hurt me, because she felt like she needed to protect me. But he ended up picking more fights with me to get more of her pills. He would wrestle me to the ground and pin me there, until I couldn't move. I got very depressed from the abuse, and wanted to end my life. I tried to jump off of a deck, and he restrained me. Later on, he would try to say that I was not only making all of the abuse up, but that I was crazy and cite this as an example. The truth is I am naturally a mellow person with few problems. But the combination of addiction to o.c. and being abused had driven me to the edge. Well, last September, we got into a very bad fight and he pinned me again. I was so scared I started to scream. He put his hand over my mouth and because of my tears, I couldn't breath through my nose. I thought I would die. When he finally got off of me, I ran away and went to the police. He was arrested and last march, received no jail time and no punishment. He got a "deferred sentence" which means that as long as he has no legal run ins for a year, he gets away scott free. I have two restraining orders on him and he lives on the other side of the state.
We have been broken up for almost nine months now and I have also been off of drugs. My parents say that my personality has taken a turn for the better. I called his mom's doctor and told him that she was breaking her contract. They were so angry with me that they sent their drug dealer to my college town to try to intimidate me. I am now with a new boyfriend who is kind, patient, and would never lay a hand on me.
I am also expecting a baby, and I am glad that I am clean for myself and for my child. It took a lot of strength to leave J. I had tried so many times before, but was afraid to be alone, and afraid to quit using. But I know that I will never go back to that lifestyle and I am lucky to be alive today. I am free of all of my old worries.
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