My head is going in circles; I’m blinded by a bright light.
I’m trying my best to sing my song, but I don’t have a voice.
And although I said no, it’s become clear I don’t have a choice.
For you took advantage of my frailty and avoided responsibility.
Now I’m expected to walk away and live a life of tranquility.
But my life has turned upside down.
Smiles now hard to come by; welcome to my frown
I tried to speak up, yet you still wanted to dance.
Even when I shouted no, you were determined to get your chance.
That not enough; you called your boys too.
Now all I hear is laughter because I’m the one y’all ran through.
Never mind that I said no, you just wanted to cruise.
I should have known the moment your hand touched my knee that I was going to lose.
I was always told I was strong; I could be anything I wanted to be.
Now that I’m grown, I feel so alone and I want to be anything but me.
I was that tough girl; you know the one that played ball.
Thought I was harder than the strongest dude and I didn’t care how tall.
But my life changed in an instant; it flashed before my face.
And in a moment my innocence was taken, gone without a trace.
I didn’t really know how fragile I was, until that disgraceful day.
I didn’t know how weak I really could be until I was unable to get away.
I would frequent with him often, never thought he would do me wrong.
I never knew the word “No” would cause him to sing a different song.
So it seems women are no longer protected, for our protectors have become confused.
For now it is from them we need protecting, as we find ourselves broken and abused.
It is at their own hands that we suffer physical and emotional pain.
By now we should be on top of the world, but we’re hidden amongst our own shame.
For we can’t seem to shake that feeling, that somehow it was our fault.
Guilt overrides our conscience, and in a net we find ourselves caught.
So where do I go from here, I can’t stand to look at my face.
I shudder from the thoughts that live in my head, persuading myself not to give chase.
Was it my intelligence that bothered you; or the fact that I said no?
Is it because I wasn’t easy that your pride started to grow?
What made you think you could have me and I not have a say so?
What made you think you deserved me when there’s so much about me you don’t know?
Did you like the chase or was it just the act?
Please tell me, I need to know, because I can’t get my innocence back!
Tell me what made you think you had the right to overrule me?
Why did you think my body you could take without penalty?
So now, how do I live, when part of me has died?
How do I go forward when I’m empty on the inside?
How do I love again when love has left me torn?
How do I give my heart away when it’s filled with so much scorn?
I have so many questions, but elusive the answers remain.
So I find myself looking to heaven and calling on Jesus’ name.
Lord if you’re up there, please Lord here my plea.
In a soft voice I simply whisper, “Who's gonna fight for me?”
One Voice 12-3-10 ©
Kiera Walker
