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Relationship Information > Where is he looking & What is he thinking? JEALOUSY

Women have so many worries. This seems to be the large consensus  with women these days in regards to where their partners eyes are and what/who they are thinking about. I am dealing with more of these emotional issues from women in regards to this, than not.

All women all want to be the center of their partners attention and thoughts. They also want to know where he is looking and what/who he is thinking about. But to what degree are we going to continue to torture ourselves in these thoughts, where is he looking and what is he thinking?


I have done a ton of research regarding the male mind and their inability to not look. They simply are just lookers /observers. Men are visual creatures and women these days work very hard at looking good. Notice how the media has also worked on us women to create these competitions amongst each other. How else can they sell their wrinkle and beauty products and make the millions of dollars on cosmetic surgery that they do these days? It's all out there! Morals have taken a back seat to making money. The innocent ones are the ones that suffer, as usual. I know I repeat this fact in just about everything I write, but it is the one fact that we must start to look at. WE are allowing the media to dictate and/or control our self-worth.
In my articles, I help women learn ways of coping and rising above things we cannot change. I truly believe that we are making more out of it than the men are. In fact through our very own verbal worries & fears we instill ideas in their head that may never have occurred to them before. It is not an easy world we live in.
In some relationships, I believe that a partner will get away with what they can. It is human to error. It's sad but true. From the day we are born we are challenging life and seeing what we can get away with. In any relationship, there will always be someone trying to get away with things. This may or may not be a conscious thought. As I said, we are only human.

For a lot of men, staring at other women is really, a very bad habit. The men that do not do this, will agree that they are just plain rude and disrespectful. To know that one's partner is hurting or uncomfortable in a situation, but continues regardless of how they feel, is purely selfish, disrespectful and very mindless. For the man that degrades his partner, and falls for all the unrealistic images that Hollywood is telling him is the real thing, is truly as small minded as his penis. Harsh words, yes. but well deserving at the same time. This must be brought to the for-front immediately.

Pornography is an absurd example to what real life sex should be like. It is abuse of another kind and it degrades men as well as women. It is cheap and very addicting. Pornography is like any other negative sexual device being offered to the world for money. It is destruction of reality and it is a persons choice to look or not too look. It is their choice to degrade themselves when taking part in pornography. It is their choice to truly understand and follow through on their commitment to their partner. It is also their choice to be all alone, wanted by no one that is real. These are all negative habits that a person can change if they want to.

Why do so many women feel that their partners are in fact being disrespectful?
Why do so many men scream that they are NOT being disrespectful?

There are millions of women that are battling this worry of where he is looking and what is he thinking. Most women continue to maintain their relationships and deal with life as best they can. Other women spend countless hours reading and paying therapists to tell them they are not crazy or imagining things. Couples spend way to much time debating this issue and always end up at square one. Both men and women need to work together and change their habits. Women must stop allowing their own insecurities to magnify their partners gestures and reactions which only results in a negative control over their happiness. Men must try to be more aware of what exactly triggers off their partners worries and not take her reactions so defensively. This does NOT say that women are to bow down & ignore what is obvious disrespect in some cases, but we need to really look at just how serious their looks are and how serious we are taking them. To allow a man's actions to effect how we see ourselves, is a definite mistake on our part. It is up to us to feel good about ourselves, no one else. It is very hard when we care what someone thinks about us. We tend to use that as our happiness meter. Too many women are allowing the weaknesses of men to determine their happiness and self-worth. We are real people and yes we have stretch marks and we have life wrinkles..which are as much a part of us as our curves. These characteristics are what make us that much more unique. For these men that think it is all about the poster girl, I feel very sorry for them. They are losing out on so much of the good, genuine, real stuff. Our own self-acceptance is the key in being able to overcome so many of the little things that we cannot change. That is why we must work on knowing ourselves and knowing that we are a special, unique person.

I am going to play the devils advocate here for a bit.

Men Say:

We look, yes but that's all.

It's not like we want to have sex with them.

Women worry about everything.

Women are always jealous of other women.

Women get mad at us when another women happens to catch our eye.

We do not go into strip bars to see girls, we go to talk to the guys.

We cannot help it if there are scantily dressed women serving us at that restaurant.

Its only a picture.

Women are immature when they try to stop us having fun.

Guys should be able to go to bars with their friends.

Guys don`t discuss woman's body parts when they are hanging out together.

If women trusted us, we should be able to go anywhere.

Alcohol does not make us flirtatious.

We married them, so what more do they want?

Women say:

He is looking at her and wishes I looked like her.

He is undressing her in his mind.

He is doing this to make me worry.

I wish I looked like her.

Why does he have to look every time a pretty girl walks past?

Men could also go to the do-nut shop to talk.

Men do not have to choose restaurants that advertise scantily dressed women waitresses.

We want to be our men's fun.

Bars are not for married people unless they are there together.

Men are always looking and discussing female body parts.

We do trust, but we also feel a thing called respect for them. Some places that men go are not respectable.

Alcohol makes everyone a bit more lose and flirtatious.

There is more to marriage than just saying we are married...that bottom line is very old.

These are just a few oppositions that men and women deal with. We definitely think on a different wave length. We see things differently and we feel differently about certain issues also. That's what makes us men and women. The trick in being able to live together and respecting each other, is to understand that we are different and also to be able to make compromises for our partner's happiness. After all, is that not what its all about? Making each other happy!

Where he is looking or what he is thinking is an issue that will not be fixed in one article or even ten. But as long as we work at it and continue to communicate with each other, we will eventually find a common ground.

These are my thoughts and they certainly do not include every single person on earth.

I would however be very interested:

Gents...on exactly & truthfully your thoughts on what are you thinking and where are you looking?

Ladies...I would love to hear your exact and truthful thoughts on how his actions make you feel!


"Love" is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own... Jealousy is a disease, love is a healthy condition. The immature mind often mistakes one for the other, or assumes that the greater the love, the greater the jealousy." - Robert Heinlein

"No matter what age you are, or what your circumstances might be, you are special. and you still have something UNIQUE to offer. Your life, because of who you are, has meaning! " -Barbara De Angelis





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Dorothy Lafrinere



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